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Writer's pictureKristen MF Clark

Dying To Be Me

Updated: Jul 16

What makes big, conscious changes so difficult is that the version of you that wanted the change in the first place has to die away.


When a cigarette smoker wants to quit - they can’t take the smoker with them.

When an alcoholic desires to be 100% sober - the drinker has to “die” for the new version of them to be born.

When the obese person is ready to eat clean, lose weight, and exercise - they can’t take the lazy, ice-cream eating version of them along thinking that version is going to change. No, that’s who they are. They are the “fat & lazy”version. And they can’t be anything else other than that.


Your 15 year old version of you will always be the 15 year old version of you. In your memories, he/she can’t suddenly be the 10 year old version or the 20 year old version - they are completely different people interacting in completely different realities.


See, we think change involves a shifting of habits - when in all actuality, it involves an abandoning of the old version of us completely. You can’t take that rationalizing addict with you to your new life and new habits. It involves a whole new mind set, body, state of being, and more.


And you have to be on the lookout for that old version of you - as she/he can sneak back in. In fact, she/he is an authority on sneaking back in because she/he has been doing it for as many years as you have been trying to change. They know exactly what to say, what excuses push your weakness buttons, and what feelings and thoughts you will fall for.


This is why you have to understand - this is about the DEATH of that version of you. And while that sounds scary, I can promise you that a MUCH stronger, confident, successful, tougher, and wiser version of you is waiting in the wings.


You just haven’t met this version of you, yet. Oh, you may think this version of you has visited - usually first thing in the morning when you’re feeling particularly motivated and strong that “this day” will be different. But that is the old addict playing yet another game. The game that keeps you from digging that 6’ deep hole.


The addict uses “noise” to keep you distracted and entertained. And you’ll know this noise by the absolute uselessness of it. This noise has no ability to help you grow or access your dreams.


To truly bury that part of you once and for all - you will have to cut off the habits (noise) that go with the addiction. You are going to have to do the “BIG DIFFICULT”. This isn’t about joining a gym, signing up for weekly group therapy, or other such easy actions (besides, how has that worked for you in the past?)


This is about doing something that truly scares you. Something that hurts. It may involve breaking up with a group of certain friends that feed your addiction, deleting ALL social media accounts, getting rid of your TVs, cutting up credit cards, etc.


YOU know what habit(s) goes with the addiction.

YOU know what actions you do that throw you right back where you were.

YOU know exactly what “noise” I’m talking about.


Cutting that out is the first step. The next steps will begin to show as your old self falls a way and you usher in your future self.


You may have to disappear for a while. How long, you ask? That is the addict talking. She/He needs to know when they get to move back in. But they are not a part of your future self in any way shape or form. They have nothing to do with his/her arrival. Though they will try very hard to convince you otherwise.


Be strong. Be bold.

Your future self is the person who is going to save you. Your future self is the person who is going to fill the void that is opened up by removing the addict and the “noise” that she/he relies on. But your future self can’t come in until that space (and all the thoughts that go with it) opens up - permanently.


You have done this before. This isn’t something new (You’re not the same person you were 10 years ago.) But doing it consciously… now that may be new. But that’s because you were never this strong before or this ready.


And you’ll know you’re ready - because even though the thought of cutting out the noise scares you - it excited you, too.

A lot.

💋KMFC


P.S. this blog was created from my own cutting out of the noise (all sm) so my future self can come in. If you need or want to contact me - my email and FB messenger will still be available.



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#bebold

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Indeed!

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