Santa, God, and the Beginning of Being “Good”
When I was little, I believed in Santa Claus. And the first thing out of Santa’s mouth was always, “Have you been good this year?” This big guy in red was magical and mysterious. He loved kids, and that was good enough for me — so I strove to always be good.
And just like that, it was cemented in my mind that being good and interacting with magic went hand in hand.
Then came God — the ultimate judge, the creator of everything. I hung out with that belief for a good 15 years. I even read the Bible twice as a child. I can’t say I understood it, but I did it. Why? I can’t really say. Maybe I was trying to please God. It wasn’t that I had Bible-thumping parents. We barely went to church. But something in me was searching — maybe for comfort, maybe for magic, maybe for proof that something bigger than me was looking out for me.
But one thing was clear — even in the Bible, the book of all books — you had to be good. Heaven and Hell. The pages were full of what would happen if you didn’t do what you were told. I remember preferring the New Testament (who wouldn’t?), as a gentle love and kindness was infused in most of those pages (Revelations notwithstanding).
But there was a tiny voice in the back of my mind that wondered why my prayers were never truly answered. Or why, when I prayed, I never heard anything back.
Maybe if I was a better person, I eventually would…
The Moment That Changed Everything
In 7th grade, I was in the infirmary and asked the nurse, “If God made us, who made God?”
Her answer changed my life.
She said, “You are looking at God from Time. But God lives outside of time. God wasn’t born — He just Is.”
For some reason, I got this. I didn’t just accept it as a satisfying answer — I GOT it on a profound level. In fact, this was my first experience with profound.
Something in me woke up, stood up, and stepped forward. Something colossal. Something that spoke of being outside of all the trappings of human thinking — of right and wrong, good and bad, deserving and undeserving.
I think I walked out of there in a floored daze. They didn’t teach THAT in the Bible, and I wanted more.
ESP, Psychic Readings, and the Forbidden Fruit
Throughout my young life, there were glimpses of ESP, clairvoyance, psychic readers, and all things mystical. These were the forbidden fruits.
You could walk tall and proud into any church, but to go to a psychic involved sneaking and looking over your shoulder. It was an exciting, hidden world that, once in a while, I got a peek into — and it, too, left me wanting more.
So when I felt that colossal energy in the infirmary — that timelessness — I knew these two fields had something to do with one another.
And even though it would be decades before I chose to interact with that energy, I never forgot that momentous flash.
The Fun of Channeling and the Unexpected Truth
By my 20s and 30s, I had become disenchanted with organized religion.
Nobody — regardless of denomination — had interacted with this so-called God the way it was described in the Bible. God actually spoke to people back then, but not anymore.
Had we all gotten that bad?
Or… was there more to it than that?
Then in came the Law of Attraction, Channeling, Spirit Guides, and more. Suddenly, everything I had loved as a child but was told wasn’t real… was.
And one of the most wondrous things about Spirit Guides and Channeling was that someone would talk to you! You might have to go through a middleman, but actual profound answers began to flow. Steadily.
And I was hooked — line and sinker.
I had no problem taking on channeling, mediumship, interacting with passed loved ones, and all things psychic. I became a pro.
However, even though I found all things psychic effortless, there always seemed to be someone who knew something I didn’t. I could never quite shake the feeling that there was always more to learn — or that an even higher level of “being good” or vibrating higher still needed to be achieved.
But then, one day, while preparing to channel for a client, the beings I was channeling said to me:
“You know you’re not really channeling anything.”
And in that moment, one of those profound inner knowings arose.
I realized — all these interactions with the invisible were just permission slips for me to access my own wisdom.
The Truth About Spirit Guides, Angels, and “God”
God, Source, Spirit Guides, Angelics, Aliens, The Universe, passed loved ones… They all had some obvious things in common.
🔹 They were made up by some person somewhere.
🔹 They were all invisible.
🔹 They were very, VERY subjective.
🔹 And they all taught being good over being bad.
There was always some hierarchy of feelings, vibrations, thoughts, and beliefs.
And since these invisible beings and their teachings were always man-made, then those hierarchy rules were man-made as well.
But the one thing I knew solidly to the core of my being was that this colossal energy I first felt in 7th grade didn’t give a spit about those small thoughts.
It was enormous, gargantuan, uncontainable — and the talk about right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, and vibration levels was ridiculous.
Despite all my teachings, despite everything I was told — this rang louder and clearer than anything I had ever heard.
The Realization That Shattered It All
And then, another realization hit.
Since I was using all these invisible things to access my own wisdom, then there was nothing — no man-made-up being — bigger than me.
It was MY wisdom.
I realized that through every belief, feeling, action, and reaction… I had always assumed there was something bigger than me, grading me, holding my desires just out of reach.
And if I didn’t have what I wanted? I still wasn’t good enough.
And that’s when the most profound realization of all hit me.
🔹 As long as I believed I wasn’t good enough, I would prove to myself I wasn’t.
🔹 I would bring to myself enough proof to choke a dragon that I needed to be just a bit better — THEN my dreams would come true.
🔹 And that, my friends, all this is a never-ending black hole.
And after 50 years of that bullshit?
I’d had enough.
The Colossal Energy Steps Forward
And that’s when that colossal energy — that profound being that makes the universe look paltry — said,
“Finally.”
And stepped to center stage.
And that profound being was ME.
Through all my struggles and seeking, She had always been there. She had always answered my questions, audibly. She never played hide and seek. She never needed a middleman to access her wisdom. She was never bigger than me, better than me, or more “godly” than me.
And she wasn’t MF-ing invisible.
All she ever wanted was to give me whatever I wanted and to spoil me rotten — simply because she loved me that much.
She knew I couldn’t be “bad” because she couldn’t be “bad”.
She loved me completely, no matter how I was vibrating. She never withheld answers. She never asked me to jump through hoops. She never made me prove I was good enough.
Her adoration of me is 1000% unconditional.
Un-flipping-conditional. There are no conditions for me to be in absolute, overindulged, joyous love and happiness other than to exist.
This Is Me-taphysics.
And this is what I teach and live now, and I’ve never been happier.
The only one asking you to jump through hoops is whoever taught you that in the first place.
Because YOU never have.
And YOU never will.
💖Kristen
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