It’s Time You Let You Off the Hook

When I first began to write this article it was titled “Forgive Yes, Forget Never.” and it was about boundaries and empowerment. It was about forgiving them so you didn’t have to keep carrying around the hurt and pain. And not forgetting that they made a conscious choice of disrespect so you don’t let them back in to do it again. (Hurt me once, shame on you – hurt me twice, shame on me.)

But there was something more here – something underneath the strength (and what we’ve heard a thousand times) asking to be truly seen. And that was when a tear fell from my eye and I realized – who I really needed to forgive was me.

The first piece wasn’t a detour—it was the bridge.

I had to write from the wound to get to the liberation.

I had to speak from power to touch tenderness.

I had to walk through the fire of boundaries to find the quiet ache of self-abandonment.

And now I’ve done it.

I flipped the conversation on forgiveness in a way I haven’t seen anyone else do.

Most people are still writing “10 steps to forgive your ex.”

Meanwhile, I was over here saying,

“No. You’re not mad at them. You’re mad at yourself. And it’s time to stop.”

So, enjoy this detour, and if it brings a tear just know that is the “a-ha” your soul was asking for.

For years, I thought forgiveness was about them.

I thought it meant being the “bigger person.”

Letting it go. Turning the other cheek.

I thought it meant not being bitter. Not being petty. Not being the problem.

And for years, I confused forgiving with forgetting.

I let people walk back in and treat me like crap again because I thought that was the “spiritual” thing to do . Because I believed that forgiveness meant vulnerability. That loving meant turning a blind eye to my own pain.

But that’s not what kept me hurting.

That’s not what kept me replaying their words, their actions, the betrayal.

What kept me stuck was this:

I hadn’t forgiven me.

The Real Loop Is Self-Blame

I wasn’t re-living their betrayal.

I was re-living my own decision to ignore the warning signs.

To stay when I knew better.

To let them back in when every cell in my body was screaming “no.”

The pain wasn’t just what they did.

It was how I turned against myself to accommodate them.

Forgiveness isn’t about letting them off the hook.

It’s about letting you off the hook.

There Were Always Warning Signs

Let’s be honest:

This whole, “I never saw it coming” thing?

That was b.s. and we know it.

There were signs. Maybe subtle. Maybe screaming.

But we saw something.

And we decided to override it.

Because we wanted to believe in love. In loyalty. In potential.

So, we stayed. We shrank. We hoped.

And when it fell apart, we didn’t just grieve the relationship—we grieved the part of us that betrayed our own knowing.

Scars Are Lessons, Not Life Sentences

There’s wisdom in your wounds.

Each scar—emotional or physical—has something to teach you.

The scar says:

• “Pay attention next time.”

• “Walk away the first time.”

• “Don’t dim your light just to keep someone else comfortable.”

But what it doesn’t say is:

“You were stupid. You should’ve known better. You deserved it.”

That’s not the voice of truth.

That’s the voice of pain on repeat.

And it’s time to turn it off.

Self-Love Sounds Like This:

“I forgive you for trusting him.”

“I forgive you for hoping she’d change.”

“I forgive you for giving someone chance #9.”

“I forgive you for playing small just to be loved.”

“I forgive you for abandoning yourself to keep the peace.”

“I forgive you for needing to be chosen.”

Forgiveness starts here.

With you.For you.

Only for you.

You Don’t Need to Forget—You Need to Remember

You don’t have to erase the memory.

You don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen.

You just have to remember what it taught you.

We’ve all heard the quote, “Forgive yes, forget never.”

“Forget never” doesn’t mean holding a grudge.

It means holding a standard.

It means saying:

“I’ve seen what happens when I ignore myself.

And I won’t do that again.”

Forgiveness is How You Break the Cycle

Not by giving them another chance.

Not by letting them explain.

But by choosing, again and again, to stand by you.

Because when you stop carrying the shame and the blame—

You become unfuckwithable.

You create space for the ones who know how to love you, respect you, value you.

Because you’ve shown them how.

So, Say It with Me:

“I’m off the hook now.”

“I forgive me.”

“I love me too much to stay in that loop.”

“It’s done.”

You were never the problem.

But now, finally—you are the solution.

#bebold

💖Kristen